


The Coin of Rassilon

by rae_marie



Category: Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Gen, i love these dorky aliens so much, it goes exactly as well as you're guessing, time lords go grocery shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-23 20:58:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15614868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rae_marie/pseuds/rae_marie
Summary: If you've ever wondered what it would be like if Time Lords went grocery shopping, then here is your chance to find out.





	The Coin of Rassilon

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by [an ask on tumblr](https://ouidamforeman.tumblr.com/post/176406408120/do-you-happen-to-know-any-fics-where-the-gallifrey) about Time Lords and self checkout machines.

 

Narvin tugged at the collar of his purple plaid shirt. It was too uncomfortable. Leela must've been having similar thoughts, because she was tugging at her jacket's sleeves, looking for all the world like she wanted to throw it at the nearest pedestrian.

'Tell me again _why_ we must go to the grocery store?' she demanded. 

'We can't return to Gallifrey until the mission is over, and Romana needed a bell pepper for the.... _pizza_ she was making. Whatever a pizza is. Don't worry; Braxiatel will be along soon, and he understands shopping on Earth much better than I do.' 

They walked through the doors, and Narvin saw Leela's eyes widen as they came into the spacious produce section.

'I do not like how open it is here,' Leela said, frowning. Narvin scanned the area and saw where the bell peppers were. He went over to get one, and Leela followed.

'You did bring enough money with you, didn't you, Narvin?' Narvin rummaged through the pockets of the rather annoying denim trousers he was wearing and pulled out several coins. 

'This should cover it,' he said. 

'What is that scarlet one?' Leela asked. Narvin considered the coin in his hand; studied the seal of Rassilon on it. 

'I am not quite sure. It was discovered just outside the Capitol just before we left, and Romana and I have been trying to work out what it is. She's been calling it "The Coin of Rassilon." A bit melodramatic, if you ask me.'

'It is rather beautiful,' Leela said, as Narvin put the coins back in his pocket. 

***** 

They walked to the machines under a sign that said 'Self-Checkout', and looked skeptically at one. 

'I do not trust it,' Leela said. Narvin sighed and looked around. 

'Where has Braxiatel gotten to? He would know how to operate it.' He looked back at the machine. 'Well, I suppose it's worth a try.' He pushed a couple of buttons, and when asked to put a code in for the bell pepper, quickly found and entered it. Then he pushed the button to pay. 

' _Please insert coins before bills,_ ' the robotic voice said. Narvin fished for his coins again, and without looking, stuffed one in.

' _I am sorry, but that currency does not compute._ ' Narvin frowned and looked down at his hand. 

'What do you mean, the currency does not - ' 

He went pale. 

'Oh, no.' 

'What is it?' asked Leela. 

'I've put the Coin of Rassilon in the machine.'

They stared at the self-checkout machine for a moment, then Narvin started frantically pressing as many buttons as he could.

'That coin is an anomaly.... No one can see it on Earth....'

' _Would you like a reciept?_ ' the machine asked.

' _No!_ ' Narvin shouted. 'I _don't_ want a reciept, you stupid machine!'

'Here; let me try,' Leela said, and pulled her knife out of her pocket. She slid it into the coin slot and tried to pry open the panel around it. It did no good. 

'Hello, you two,' came a familiar voice from behind them. 'Did you find Romana's pepper?' 

Narvin and Leela turned to see Braxiatel behind them. Narvin waved his hands at the machine. 

'I put the wrong coin in and now it won't give it back!' he said. 'A priceless Gallifreyan artifact, and it's just been eaten by a temperamental machine!' 

Braxiatel stepped over and studied the machine, then took a little cylinder out of his pocket and put it over the coin slot panel's lock. He jiggled it for a moment, pressed a button, then pulled it away. The panel swung open. 

Narvin let out a great sigh of relief and retrieved his coin. Braxiatel started to shut the panel. 

'Excuse me.'

They all turned. 

A woman was standing in front of them, hands on her hips. 

'Do I need to call security?' she said. 

'No.... _no...._ I lost my - ' 

'Oh, no need for that!' Braxiatel cut Narvin off. 'We were having a problem with the self-checkout, and I simply fixed it. We'll be paying for the pepper; don't you worry.' 

The woman looked incredulous, and proceeded to watch them carefully as Braxiatel took out his wallet and finished paying for their bell pepper. Narvin felt her eyes on them until they had taken their reciept and walked out of the door. 

***** 

Romana greeted them with a smile when they arrived back at the hotel. 

'Did you three have a good afternoon?' she asked. Leela rolled her eyes. Narvin groaned. 

'You have no idea....' he said. 

'We successfully obtained one green bell pepper, however!' Braxiatel said, depositing it on the counter. Romana laughed. 

'Oh - thank you! It's a bit unnecessary, though,' Romana gestured towards the small table in the corner, where a flat box sat. 'I ended up ordering a pizza over the telephone while you were gone. I don't think I'm a very good cook.' 

Narvin stared. 

'But....but....' he spluttered. 

Leela spoke for him. 'Romana, next time you must buy provisions,' she said, 'send Braxiatel.' 

*****


End file.
